Not Me

I was not a "good" kid.......gave my parents a lot of trouble....I was mouthy and stubborn. I got into physical fights at school and did drugs and alcohol from a young age. Not a good kid at all.

At 20 years old, I became pregnant with my daughter, Haille. I was not married and her dad left when I was 4 months pregnant. This is when I came to Christ....I attended an Alpha Course at a local church and realized that I needed Jesus. My life began to change.....slowly.....but it changed.

At a later Alpha Course I was an assistant leader, this was a big deal to me! I felt better than I had in a long time. God loved me! He was changing me!

Then............

prayer time happened at Alpha.....I felt God tell me to get involved with youth. I laughed out loud! Certainly, that message was meant for someone else! Not me, I was a bad kid and a bad example. There was no way I was working with the youth! I then had another leader in the church tell me the same thing, at almost the same time! Seriously, God had his lines crossed. I was sure of it! I was getting someone elses' message :)

At this point.....I ran. Away from church, somewhat away from God. It scared me. I felt I couldn't possibly be involved in ministry, especially with kids. I would fail Him, I would let God down and that just wouldn't do. I couldn't do it.

Soon after, I got married to an abusive man and a divorce quickly followed. Now, I was really not a "good" person. Divorce? God doesn't like it and I was convinced He didn't like me either.
The months following the divorce were the darkest days of my life. I was in a depression so deep I couldn't see my way out. My heart hurt and I couldn't laugh anymore. I wanted to die. I wasn't suicidal. I never tried to hurt myself, but I prayed to God daily to "please, take me home". It hurt to live, to breathe. I couldn't function. I was failing as a mother because I was too depressed to care for Haille.

One night, I was laying on the floor sobbing, my heart was breaking. All I wanted was Jesus. I wanted to be forgiven and loved and healed. I heard Him that moment say to me "You've asked for forgiveness, love and healing. I hear you. Let me do MY work here." I was blown away! It never occured to me that I was the one standing in the way of what I needed. I was so far into my pity party that I wasn't letting Him work in me. It changed everything. Again, it was a slow process but the fog began to lift and life began to change. I could laugh again! I took care of Haille and started coming back to church.

Also again.....the youth ministry messages began coming.....at this point, I knew it was Him talking to me but I was still convinced He was wrong (I'm a big dummy, I know)

Around this time, there was Saturday night service for the youth called TAG (Totally About God). So, I decided to try to go around Gods message by getting involded with the praise team for this service. I had always loved to sing (but had never done it in public) and it was for the youth. Win-win situation in MY mind. I was with the youth (which God wanted) but had no actual contact with them (which I wanted). I have to give a "shout out" to Ken Dawson at this point!!!! Thank you for your patience with me! I know it wasn't easy! Part of why it wasn't easy is because I was too nervous to sing out loud :) still a dummy, I know....

However, being involved in this ministry changed me forever. It gave me a real appreciation of worshipping God. It also gave me an appreciation of His grace and strength. If it was not for His strength, I would never have gotten up on that stage and sang into a microphone (thanks Don Freese for turning me up! Otherwise no one would have heard me). And the congregation sounds so amazingly beautiful as they are worshipping God! You hear it differently up on stage than you do from in the congregation. To me, it seemed it must be what the angels in heaven sound like as they are worshipping Him! I loved this ministry and all the praise team folks! (this is where I began dating my husband, Brad :)

Brad and I began helping more and more with the youth....I still stayed my distance though, I still was certain I was not good enough to do much. Then decision time came.....we were asked to pick one ministry that we could excel at, instead of trying to do two. What the heck?!? That's what went through my mind at the time. Why would I have to choose anything? Wasn't I where God wanted me? (nope) Wasn't I serving in ministry? (yep) Was I not good at it? (jury is still out on that one..lol)

I decided not to run again. I was going to prayerfully consider this and listen to God.....that is until He told me to pick youth group over praise team. I argued with Him, yelled at Him and cried...a lot. I didn't want to leave praise team. I loved it! And didn't He know who I was? Didn't He know how bad of a kid I was?

Oh, He knew all right. He knew all along what He was doing :)

I decided to listen to Him. Decided I would choose youth group because that's what He wanted. All the time, in the back of my mind, thinking "I'll prove Him wrong and I'll be back at praise team in no time", yep I am STILL a dummy :)

And then.........I began to fall in love. With youth group, with the kids, with the gifts God had given me to minister to them. I learned what Pastor Mark was preaching about this past Sunday. In MY weakness, God makes me strong. I was sure that I was wrong for this job, sure that I had nothing to offer these kids.....and all that's true.....without GOD! He knew where I belonged all along and He knew that He had what it took for me to succeed. In all my trying to prove Him wrong, He showed me how wrong I was (in that loving God way that He is so good at :)

I still miss praise team...a bunch, actually. Its been about 3 years since I left and I miss it all the time. But I am where God wants me, doing what He wants me to do. Praise team taught me how to be involved in ministry and how to rely on God for strength.....He was preparing me for where He wanted me. There are times I regret not answering this call sooner. I wonder what I could've accomplished for Him if I hadn't run away....I'll never know. But it shaped me into who I am today. And that's who God loves :)

He wasn't waiting for me to get "good", He was waiting for me to learn to trust Him and lean on Him. God doesn't look for "perfect" people. We see that example over and over in the bible...Abraham, Moses, Peter, Paul. He is looking for people willing and ready to serve HIM. When I think "not me Lord", God says "I know the plans I have for you" and that's enough :)

Don't Wanna Be Politically Correct

A friend I were talking the other day......we were talking about how you approach another person about something you have heard or know about them that is damaging to them and uncomfortable to talk about. We were talking in generalities (this was not a gossip sesh, people). We truly had concerns about how, as Christians, we confront people with the sins in their lives (as the bible instructs us to) when that sin is a touchy subject (i.e. sexual sin, alcohol, drugs, gambling, etc). Also, how to confront someone about a "rumor", something that if true, would be devastating to their walk with God, and if not true, could be devastating to their reputation in the church. We talked a really long time.......

We ended the conversation in agreement that there are just certain things that are not "politically correct" to bring up with people. We don't want to embarrass them (or ourselves) or make them feel "judged" or hurt their feelings. This conclusion.......we BOTH agreed with.

However, it really stuck with me the rest of the day. I couldn't get it out of my head. Politically correct?!? Is that what Jesus calls me to? To be so concerned about what the rest of the world says, that I let a fellow brother or sister in Christ remain in slavery and darkness to their sin? Would I want someone to do that to me? Would I want my friend to not call me out for fear of not being "politically correct"? I seriously could not stop thinking about this........

Jesus was never "politically correct", he healed on the Sabbath Day....that was a BIG no no. He called out the woman at the well and the adulterous woman...........and they were both freed from their sin. He healed those that no one else would touch or talk to. He looked into the hearts of people so enslaved, so entrenched in their sins and ailments, that no "politically correct" person would dare be seen with. Luke 7:36-50, tells us of a sinful woman who washed Jesus' feet with tears and her hair, she poured expensive perfume on Him......she wanted to be seen for who she was, so that she could receive forgiveness and freedom. She didn't care that He knew she was sinful, she did not care that she would be seen for who she was. And Jesus didn't care that it might hurt her feelings, He obviously didn't care what the others in the home thought..........He just freed her.

Jesus also tells us that we are to do the same things He did. John 14:12, Jesus says "I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father." Jesus told us that we would and can and should be doing even greater things than He did here on Earth if we have faith in Him. WOW!!!

That means that if I can stop worrying about being "politically correct" and hurting people's feelings and all that other mumbo jumbo.....and have faith in Jesus....then I can help people reconcile their relationship with God and be freed from their sins!!!! What?!? DUH!!

If I am called to conform to the image of Christ, then I should be doing what He does.Talk about a smack in the head for me :) That's what I should be doing, every single day.

I sincerely and truly just love people. I really really do. But there is so much more to love than just being nice and doing nice things for them. I need to love them so much that I can, without fear, confront those I love about their lives and sins and help them find freedom in Christ.

I don't wanna be "politically correct" anymore........I wanna be like Jesus :)

The Boy With No Shirt

One boy with no shirt completely changed our Youth Group............

It was a typical Wednesday evening, about 15 teens (both Jr and Sr high). We were having our "fun" time......at the beginning of each youth group, we eat together, talk a little, play a few games before the lesson starts. I was watching some teens play basketball when one of the small group leaders came up to me and said, "There's a boy outside that really wants to come in. But he doesn't have a shirt. Can he come in?"

I thought about it for a minute, thought about the impact that he may have on the kids already there (which at the time, were pretty much all "churched" kids), thought about what it could mean if I let someone not wear a shirt (something you certainly have to think about when Jr high boys are around :), then I thought about our Youth Leader covenant. One of the points on that covenant says, "I will never turn away a teen that needs what this youth group offers".

So I said, "Sure, tell him to come in". It changed everything....

All the outreach that we had tried up to that point to reach kids in the community had failed. But a split second decision to let a neighborhood kid come in with no shirt on turned our group upside down. After that night, we have had 40+ teens join our group.....most of them "unchurched" neighborhood kids. We grew so large that the Jr and Sr High formed 2 groups, instead of just 1.

We continue to see a fairly large number of new kids every week. No shirt boy still attends youth group (side note - he wears a shirt now), over a year later. And has brought many many friends in with him.

I am still amazed that one little decision had such an impact....I wonder what would have happend if I had said "No, he can't come in". Would we still be where we were?

It has been a difficult adjustment for everyone involved, the leaders, the teens that already attended and the new teens who are learning about a whole new way of life..............but I wouldn't change it for anything in this world :)

We have ALL (leaders and teens) learned a lot about patience, love and sacrifice. I was forced to look at the way we were doing things and admit that they weren't really working AND be brave enough to change the things that needed changing........we are still changing things and will continue to do so.

We currently have 12 small group leaders!!! And are always looking for more as we continue to grow. We are maxed out in small groups, we see new faces every week, we are touching lives for Jesus, we are seeing kids accept Christ and get baptized...........
Because of one boy with no shirt :)

One Size Does NOT Fit All

I was recently approached by a well meaning person that wanted to give me advice on how to make the youth group here at Legacy "better". (side note - this person is not a leader in youth group, does not have a child in youth group and does not even live in this state). That being said, I listened patiently and decided to truly hear out what they were saying to me. Was it bad advice? Nope, it was good advice. As I sat and thought about it, however, I realized that it just didn't fit our youth group.
I have come to realize that many people have a specific idea of what a youth group should look like. Most are of the opinion that it is a small bunch (4-10) of churched kids that meet every week, eat, play and talk about God a little. They are well behaved, sit through the lesson and respect their elders. Maybe because I had little to no experience in youth ministry before I became involved in the youth group here, I had no opinion (or any idea, for that matter) on what a youth group should look like.
Our youth group here is about 80% unchurched kids, and by that I mean have never, ever stepped foot in a church and don't know the difference between Jesus and Moses. They are loud, energetic and sometimes a little crude. We also are not a small group, with Jr and Sr High combined, we average about 55 to 60 a week, and we've had weeks where there were more. They are rough around the edges and tend to come off a little scary. And I love them :) They are honest and eager to learn. Because they are who they are, we could not do youth group in a "traditional" sense. We have to meet them where they are. We have to love them right where they are, right this minute. We couldn't wait for them to be "better". I sure know Jesus didn't wait on me to be "better".
We also do not separate the "churched" kids from the "unchurched" kids. We see no difference in their need for caring adult leaders and the love of Christ. We believe that they need to be together. The best way for churched kids to learn to spread the gospel and love their neighbors is to actually do it. And I love them too :) All small groups do the same lesson every week, no matter if they are "churched" or not. All small groups are the same every week, so the teens have a chance to bond with one leader. They all have done an amazing job of coming together and creating a wonderful youth group.
When you visit our youth group, things may seem a little crazy....or a lot crazy. But believe me, there is always a plan in place. We, as a leadership group, decided the best thing we could do for this youth group was to minister to it as it was. Not try to change them, but to let Jesus work in them. To accept and love them for who they are and through that, they would learn about the love of Christ. We have seen some kids baptized recently that I honestly wasn't sure we would ever get into church, much less into the water :) But it is what they wanted to do, because they were so loved by their small group leader that they wanted what he had........Jesus. And isn't that what its all about? Pointing the lost to Christ?
Jesus' ministry was certainly not one size fits all.........neither is our youth group :)